My parents were always loving and supportive and would try to squelch any issues I ever had about my appearance and such that were detrimental to my self esteem. They were my parents so they told me that I was beautiful and that I was smart because that's what parents are supposed to do. I never believed they were telling me the truth because I always saw proof of the opposite in school and at church.
The boys never liked me. I ran across an entry in my journal when I was 11 years old and it simply said, "I was a nice but fat person today." YIKES! Then I came across more entries from my 14 year-old self, "If I was skinny maybe he would like me... Maybe he would ask me out if I wasn't so fat... I bet if I lost a lot of weight he would want to kiss me... I'm glad I found out that this product will help me lose a lot of weight... If I was as pretty as her maybe he would have asked me to dance..." And the entries get worse from there about how butt ugly I am and how it's unfair that another girl was asked out by a boy that I liked and it's all because I'm fat and ugly.
I remember all throughout school and even some of college how badly I wanted to be skinny and to be prettier so the guys would like me. But I've finally just figured it out! The guys didn't like me because I wasn't happy, I wasn't fun to be around. Heck, I hardly ever had a smile on my face! Who wants to be with someone who is a miserable wreck and always speaks badly of themselves? I know I don't and I'm SO glad that I'm not that girl anymore. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't beautiful or even gorgeous by any stretch of the imagination, I've met those girls and I'm not one of them and that's okay but I wasn't ugly either. I also wasn't fat, sure I was taller (and consequentially larger all around) than most girls my age but I wasn't the tallest either. I've done a lot of growing (up and out) since the day that little 11 year old realized she was nice but that wasn't good enough for her.
My 11 year-old self.
My 14 year-old self.
My GORGEOUS little girl.
4 comments:
Interesting that all 12-14 year olds think the same thing. I always looked at you and thought how beautiful you were and how I would never be as pretty as you. I NEVER saw you as fat, not once! In fact, I am surprised that you saw yourself that way. I have struggled with my weight from about age 10 on and my teenage years were some of my skinniest! My weight now comes from the 4 beautiful children I have and I wear the weigh proudly. I exercise regularly and try to make sensible decisions about what I eat - but I don't worry about my weight. My 4 kids were worth every pound and I wouldn't trade them for a super model body - not ever. I hope that I will be able to help my 2 daughters through those horrible years when our perception of ourselves is so skewed that it damages us for years to come. It's true that beauty comes from the inside out and confidence plays a big part in all of that! Some day, I hope my daughters will see themselves the way that I, and God, see them! If we could all see how amazing we are in His sight, we would have the confidence to do anything. Great post, thanks for sharing!!
I allways thought you were pretty, and you dwf were not anywhere near fat...I'm glad you figured things out, but amm sad you felt those things, esp because you are not the only young woman who had/ has such self images :( Hopefully sharing your experience can help other young girls.
A daughter's body image is related to her mother's body image. So regardless of how you look, your daughter will benefit from your confidence. And while I didn't know you as a child, I think you are beautiful now. :)
I am so sad to know you never believed Dad and I on just how beautiful you ARE and always have been. Those girls who you thought were beautiful couldn't hold a candle to you and your beautiful self. I'm sorry I was never a good example to you about being a good healthy weight. You have never been fat!!!!! You are of German and Swedish heritage and can't even think to be skin and bones. When I was younger and had a 27in waist, I was still called fat. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER OF GOD AND PLEASE NEVER FORGET THAT.
Post a Comment